Instilling respect for animals

[Sarasvati]

Kira and I went to the BOGI fair yesterday and one stall had a display set up where anybody could pick up tiny chicks. Of course they were surrounded by children and I was appalled by the amount of parents who just elt their children have free reign over these helpess creatures. I saw one boy almost squash a chick, the poor thing was so flat it was probably close to death when he let it go, luckily it perked up again. The mother seemed angry but not as horrified as I was (ETA: I think she was embarrassed and possibly angry that she might have to pay for a dead chick, rather than angry that he almost killed an animal)! But it was a recurring theme, young children (2-5) allowed to handle chicks alone when it was clear they needed guidance on appropriate handling.

There was also a boy who was told off very loudly and punitively by an older woman because he threw a stick at a dog. Now the way she did it was horrid and I felt sorry for the child but then Kira told me he threw a stick at the dog and the dog was hurt and the child's parents were nearby... child was definitely over 5.

Anyway it got me thinking about how so many parents don't seem to think that it's that important to instil a respect for animals in their children. As an APer it can be tricky to walk the line between violating your child's self esteem and trust of you and ensuring that they don't hurt animals. There have been a few instances where I admit I've gone off at Kira for treating the rats like toys (she is pretty respectful of animals on the whole but she can get a bit OTT at times). I have had countless conversations with her about how animals have feelings too, and that if we don't treat them with respect they may hurt us or worse, be injured or killed. Or they might be really scared of us and not want to be near us.

I was watching her very closely around the chicks. I have faith in her that she would behave appropriately and she did. However this hasn't come about as a result of letting her self-regulate... this has come about because I've enforced a non-negotiable boundary (while explaining why it is that way). Is it because many parents just don't consider animals that important, that they just let their children hurt them? Do radical unschoolers draw a line in the sand about behaviours that hurt animals? Thoughts? How do you instil respect for animals in your children?

[Ceres]

Oh gosh this has been quite the journey for us too. It's been REALLY hard at times and I've come down more strongly over being gentle with animals than pretty much anything in my whole parenting career. I'll see if I can find the thread I had on it.

[Beatrice]

See, I don't see RU as about never saying no. I see it as never saying no arbitrarily. I absolutely think that part of being a good parent is instilling the idea that nobody can live in society without respecting the rights of others. It's not RU to fail to instil respect for the safety of other people and animals, it's neglect. I think APers have the advantage that our kids tend to have modelled to them that they matter, that their rights are important, that their safety should be respected, so it's not hard for them to extend that respect to others, people or animals. Parenting, (at least if one aims to produce healthy whole adults rather than psychopaths), carries with it the obligation to encourage the development of empathy for beings apart from oneself.

[Asrathiel]

With my kids, I've just always talked about animals and to animals in a respectful way. If we're outside and we see some ants, we'll say hello to them, watch them for a while to see where they're going, I'll remind the kids to be careful not to step on them etc. If there's a spider inside, we might again say hello and watch it, then I'll say something about it might be happier outside, and catch it gently and get the kids to come with me and find a good spot for it. We'll always talk about what animals are doing when we see them, why they might be doing it, how they might be feeling in any situation (ie if we see ducks getting chased by other kids at the park, we'll talk about how the ducks are running because they're scared, that maybe the person chasing them just wants to look at them, but the ducks don't understand that and they probably think the person wants to hurt them etc) so that thinking about animals' feelings is (hopefully) as much a part of them as they grow up as thinking about other people's feelings.

[~Mel~]

Oh gosh this has been quite the journey for us too. It's been REALLY hard at times and I've come down more strongly over being gentle with animals than pretty much anything in my whole parenting career. I'll see if I can find the thread I had on it.

This has been our journey and one that continues to go on. Will doesnt want to hurt the animals, but is just strong with them. So the gentle paraphrasing, modelling, taking the animals away safely etc is what we do. Not a RUer here, just something I think comes up. When Will is in these situations, I shadow him and watch all the moves he is making and pre-empt him.

[Ceres]

I thought of this thread the other day when we were at the zoo. All these parents had paid good money to take their children around and show them the lovely animals, and then let them chase and scare the pigeons at lunch time. What's with the disconnect??

[Janet]

What Beatrice said is what I think. I leave the playground when the school bell rings because I can't bear the parenting and it's the same with the animal thing. :(

[gypsyoak]

This is a topic that really is close to my heart. I worked with animals before I had kids including the kids zoo section at the zoo.
Adults were actually more of an issue here, because they found it funny to feed maps to animals etc. Respect for animals starts from day dot.
There is no use finding it funny that your toddler chases the seagulls/magpies/chickens/dogs and then expect them to understand respect for the others.
I model and say things like always move slowly around them, only pat with either a flat open hand or middle and index finger and only on the back - never the head.
Even stuff like banging on an aquarium is not on.
I think in general adults don't really understand or respect animals - so why would the kids.....

Basically one disrespectful person can undo years of training, or kill an animal from stress.

[Ceres]

I totally agree with you Gypsyoak, it must have been heartbreaking to see people treating the animals like that.
One thing I'm waiting for my DS to notice is that I've told him he can't ever hurt animals, including stomping on ants, yet I will happily kill mosquitoes and cockroaches. It's hard to teach them where the line is drawn.

[gypsyoak]

One thing I'm waiting for my DS to notice is that I've told him he can't ever hurt animals, including stomping on ants, yet I will happily kill mosquitoes and cockroaches. It's hard to teach them where the line is drawn.

I doubt you are "happily" killing them:lol more killing them so they don't end up in plague proportions... I guess this is where you delve into the land of health and human comfort vs the natural world.:) its not like you are telling him not to and then going on a ****bug killing spree, you are knocking off a few so they don't breed up!

[Morph]

I worked a couple of years at the Schools Activity Centre at the Royal Adelaide Show where they had lots of animals & children were able to be very hands-on. There was always a big pen of newly hatched chicks & the person working on that bit would be pulling dead chicks out frequently. I think there would be about 10 killed each day. It broke my heart, the poor wee little fluffies.

I am guilty of letting my children chase seagulls. To be honest, I never really thought about it because I lived in a seaside town where the cheeky blighters would take food out of your hands as you were eating it, so I never considered that they may be stressed or harmed by being chased - sort of like it's just part of their lives. Hmmm. Does it really harm them though? Rethinking that perspective.

On the bugs front, I was mortified a short while ago when the eco pest control man who was here squished a bee. How's the irony? We had him here to kill termites. So, yes, there is a line. Termites, hopper ants, redback spiders will get killed wherever they are. Cockroaches, white tailed spiders, flies, moths, mosquitoes & centipedes get killed only if they're in the house. Huntsmans, scorpions & random other critters get caught & released into the garden. I put the boundary down to health & wellbeing.