How do you get dinner/cleaning done?

[mummy2boys]

I am struggling to get anything made for dinner each day. It's nearly 3pm and I have nothing organised. DS1 is Failsafe so our options are limited and making anything is so time consuming and energy draining. We can't ever do any takeaway due Failsafe & lack of $.

I can never get any cleaning done either, and DS1 makes such a mess. He dumps toys out and simply never picks them up despite being asked to repeatedly. He leaves apple cores and dirty cereal bowls in his room. He will not help with anything ever. Any request for anything is met with "no" and complete and utter resistance.

I can't cook/clean in the evenings because the child never sleeps and I am completely and utterly exhausted/in pain by that point anyway.

How can I make dinner/cleaning happen? Are there any magic tricks I am missing?

Ritalin and school are looking incredibly appealing right about now.

[Janet]

That sounds really hard. :grouphug Are you solo or partnered? It sounds like you need some strategies to cover life more generally? What support do you have? I just think things like "cleaning" and "food" happen of their own accord when other stuff is able to be managed which is why I'm asking. :)

[Sarasvati]

How old are your 2? I usually cook and clean whenever i need to, mine are 5.5 and 2.5. The 2.5yr old tries to "help" which can drive me crazy even though it is sweet. If there's something I want to do without her "help" I aim for doing it in her nap. If they are driving me crazy when I want to make dinner I put a movie on for them or kick them outside. As far as helping goes, Kira (5.5) is expected to pick up after herself, sometimes she forgets but I just remind her and she does it. Imogen (2.5) is going through an independent phase so likes to be helpful. I also encourage that we all tidy up before starting a new messy activity. I'm lucky that my two are fairly co-operative so I don't have too many tips for handling how to get them to help more.

A question: have you tried the GAPS diet?

[zenifa]

Is there any way for you to get your child/ren involved in those tasks? I also have times when I struggle to get housework done with my two girls, but have found more success if I can involve them and we do it 'together'. They only tidy up and help if I'm doing it too, and we try to make it a game/fun, with a song/music rather than repeated instructions/requests (which tend to get ignored and my frustration level just increases).
With regards to cooking, I find that planning meals helps with knowing what to prepare and shopping for ingredients. I also get my girls involved in the cooking as much as their age allows (getting ingredients from the kitchen, pantry, herbs from the garden, grating vegies, peeling, stirring etc) which they enjoy. Alternatively I have used a slow cooker (get it all organised in the morning and dinner is ready by evening) or doing meal prep when they are resting/napping if its a more involved recipe.
If its just 'one of those days' where nothing seems to be working and nothing is getting done, I do put on a dvd for the kids to watch or send them outside for a play and during that 30-60mins, I do a quick blitz of household chores and get the cooking started. Good luck.

[Lina]

I also try to include DS1 with the food preparation - not always successfully. My main method for keeping us fed is to do a lot of cooking all at once - usually when my partner is home - so that we have food in the fridge ready to be eaten. I might turn one ingredient into a few dishes - e.g. chickpeas into houmous, casserole and salad. At other times, I just grab a few minutes whenever I can to chop veges or do some other preparation. That way, I can eventually cook one-handed or without spending a really long block of time in the kitchen. I also tend to go with quick or one-pot dishes - stir fries, pasta, risotto, casseroles (I know others swear by slow-cookers), roasts (cheap cuts of meat become really tender when slow-roasted), bakes, soups, salads. We keep snacks, seeds, muesli and fruit for snacking on. You could also cook larger amounts and freeze leftovers?

Cleaning is an ongoing battle here too. First step seems to be de-cluttering and organising properly, which we are still working on. I do lots of multitasking - clean the toilet daily in the mornings, when I'm in the bathroom, clean the bath/shower when I'm in there. Other things I just try to do a few minutes at a time when I get a chance - like putting away laundry, picking up clothes/toys/whatever else has been chucked on the floor. Again, we try to involve DS1 - he quite enjoys taking the recycling out to the bin and we have turned tidying up into a bit of a game where we find lost toys. How old is your DS1? Mine is 4 and we have started enforcing a nightly pack away of his toys - we explained that if we don't pack things away they are likely to get broken by being stepped on or lost or difficult to find - he has accepted this and most nights will help DP or me do this.

I find that getting on top of things initially is really hard, it is much easier to maintain. Can your friends give you a hand?

[mummy2boys]

I'm partnered, but DP is not very able-bodied unfortunately. We have no family support other than MIL spending around 1/2 hour here annoying me every week or so, and she has also taken DS1 overnight a couple of times (literally just overnight, from shortly before bedtime to him waking up 5 mins before I pick him up), and uses that time to feed him everything he reacts to, so that she can feel good about being a "good grandmother".


What support do you have? I just think things like "cleaning" and "food" happen of their own accord when other stuff is able to be managed which is why I'm asking. :)

Could you elaborate? I've no idea how things could happen of their own accord, no cleaning or dinner fairies here.


How old are your 2?

DS1 is almost 6, DS2 is 18 months.


I put a movie on for them or kick them outside.

If they go outside, I have to go with them. I can't trust DS1 out there, he'll torment the dogs, run down the side and irritate the neighbours, throw stuff over the fence, waste water, be mean to/hurt DS2 etc etc. I do use DVDs, but he ends up jumping on the bed/lounge (to the point where furniture ends up broken/damaged). DS2 doesn't watch tv.


As far as helping goes, Kira (5.5) is expected to pick up after herself, sometimes she forgets but I just remind her and she does it.

The majority of the time DS1 just won't. Just absolutely will not, regardless of how many reminders we give. DS2 likes to help, and sweep the floor and things like that, and will play quietly until DS1 comes and takes what he's playing with or whatever.


I also encourage that we all tidy up before starting a new messy activity.

I try that, but usually he just WON'T. Just plain refuses to pick things up. I end up having to do it later as we live in a very small house and with DP's mobility issues cannot afford to have things that can be tripped over on the floor. DS2 will pack stuff up.


A question: have you tried the GAPS diet?

I've heard of it but not tried it. Simply do not have the mental capacity to look into it ATM.


Is there any way for you to get your child/ren involved in those tasks?

DS2 will happily go around wiping down cupboards etc. DS1 will not help with cooking or cleaning or putting his wet towel back in the bathroom, no matter what I do/say.


With regards to cooking, I find that planning meals helps with knowing what to prepare and shopping for ingredients.

I am so out of ideas for what to even make anymore. I go to so much trouble to avoid the things that DS1 can't have (if they are in the house he will find them and eat them), and then he refuses to eat all day then whines about being hungry at night. May as well just buy $100/of cereal for him and save myself the trouble ;)


My main method for keeping us fed is to do a lot of cooking all at once

I do try to do double or extra for the freezer when I do cook. There are so many foods that DS1 can't have, or doesn't like, plus me being mostly vegie and very fussy, and then DP not liking stuff, blah.


First step seems to be de-cluttering and organising properly,

Absolutely struggling with this. I just do not have anywhere to put anything. I am throwing stuff out constantly, yet there's still always a pile of crap on top of every flat surface inc the floor.


we explained that if we don't pack things away they are likely to get broken by being stepped on or lost or difficult to find - he has accepted this and most nights will help DP or me do this.

I have explained that similarly, but he just doesn't care and won't help.

I would honestly be too ashamed to let anyone in this house with the state it's in.

[Sarasvati]

Honestly I think it sounds like you need practical support. What you're talking about sounds super challenging and I don't know how well I would cope as the only fully-able bodied adult in that situation. It does sound like you need to really put your foot down with your MIL, really lay it out to her that she is damaging him and that if she gives him those foods she will have to deal with the consequences. Be a hard-arse :lol.

Has he been formally diagnosed? (You mentioned ritalin; I'm guessing ADD/ADHD?) Can you access any support through govt assistance?

[mummy2boys]

Has he been formally diagnosed? (You mentioned ritalin; I'm guessing ADD/ADHD?)

No. I have an assessment booked for him that we've waited months for, but I had to cancel the 1st appt because DS1 isn't allowed to be there (parent/s only) and I had nobody to watch him. Which meant adding another appt to the end of the series, so hopefully I should have some kind of dx (or not) by the end of May.


Can you access any support through govt assistance?

No, only things like mobility aids - DP has a walking frame, walking stick, ice vest, shower chair & they altered the shower head to a handheld one recently. I tried to get assistance with cleaning but they do not fund "home help" nor do they plan to fund it in the future.

[Sarasvati]

I more meant for your son, but if he's not formally diagnosed then I guess assistance would have to wait until then. May is a long time to wait.

Have you checked out the fly**** site for practical tips for cleaning? Do you have friends who would cook some failsafe meals for you?

[Ceres]

Oh dear, sounds like things are getting intense.
Please call me if you're struggling to find childcare! I know how important this assessment is to you and DS1 so if you think DS2 would sit with me in the waiting room while it happens I am more than happy to do that.
Do you think DS1 would like to spend some time with us so you can do a cook up? Or maybe we could have a working bee sort of day at your house and bring some meals or do a bit of a kitchen blitz and get lots of meals frozen?

[Janet]

OH ace, an offer of support. :)

It's very challenging but like others posted, I meant once you have some support, cleaning and dinner become less overwhelming. I hope you get some useful information from having your son assessed and I strongly urge you to look into GaPS (http://gapsdiet.com/)and SCD (http://www.breakingtheviciouscycle.info/beginners_guide/beginners.htm)as well as both are demonstrated to be marvellous for children on the spectrum and/or gut health issues which are often responsible for the kinds of stuff you and your son are experiencing. :grouphug I hope you get some relief soon.

[GreenGully]

I'd definitely be keen to come and occupy the kidlets and do a big cook up or something useful like that. I'm sure between us we could get some things done that will make a little difference.