'Letting Go'- deschooling ourselves

[Aurora]

It's pouring with rain here today, and my 3 year old was outside running around in it this morning. My autopilot response was to ask him to come inside, before his clothes got wet. But I caught myself, as he seemed to be having so much fun, and suggested a raincoat instead.

''No thank you Mummy.''

Hmm... he didn't want to wear his raincoat. What next? Do I suggest he come inside then? You can't ''catch'' a cold from being cold, I know that's an old wive's tale, but I still found myself feeling some weird pressure to do something about his careless playing in the rain. It's inappropriate for children to run around in the rain in cool weather... isn't it? I'd be a Bad Mother if I let him do that, wouldn't I?

I thought about it for a moment, and realised that no, it's isn't inappropriate at all. He was clearly enjoying the feel of the rain on his skin, and soaking through his clothes. He was laughing at how heavy and squishy his pants were getting, and the loud SPLOSH sounds he could make with his gumboots.


I have been schooled most of my life, constantly having people restrict me and apply limits to my persuits, binding me with ''loving rules'' and/or allowing their own egos to override my freedom. As much as I am conscious of that, it's a constant effort to stomp the effects of it out.

I still feel, from time to time, that urge to regulate or limit my son, even something as simple and innocent as him playing in the rain. I still at times find the idea of ''letting go'' scarey, as I have never really known the freedom that results in for myself... my parents enforced rules at home, and my teachers enforced rules at school.

Each day I learn and grow, and try to work a little more at undoing so many years of living under limits so that my children don't exprience it.

Just wanted to share!

Any similar moments of ''letting go''/deschooling that you'd like to share?

[Janet]

I have two damp children here too from the exact same pursuit, Aurora. :lol One is fak in my lap and the other is dancing around still talking about how much fun it was :)

We have similar moments like "Can't play outside with it's cold and dark!" Um ok. So warm clothes and the light in the backyard?
"Can't run naked into the street and jump in the puddles or fast flowing gutter when it's rainy?" Can too! ;) And they love it. :)

We don't do bedtimes, we don't regulate food or screen time, and all that kinda of developed organically from breastfeeding on cue and supporting them as babies to just sleep as they needed. I remember the myriad of Rules growing up from how Laydees behaved to the portioning of one chicken drumstick each for dinner. :lol I want my children to know their own body cues and be unashamed to fulfil those needs as they arise. Not only is it soul nurturing but it's protection against predators. Win/win!

[Ayla]

Great post, A! :clap I guess this is always going to come up from time to time. I've been filled with self-doubt because I compare Riley to his peers (the other babies in our JB mother's group who are the same age) and I really shouldn't do that. I'm also trying to be as hands-off as possible and not be a mother who 'hovers' constantly in case he hurts himself. I'm learning to trust him and just be vigilant enough to remove him from serious harm as the need arises. He has fallen out of our bed a handful of times early on but now knows the edges of things. He was once sitting on concrete and sneezed and fell over and hit his head. The next time he went to sneeze he braced himself first and he didn't fall over. I'm learning to let go and let him experience his world, not just exist in it, iykwim.

[Quickening]

I don't have any particular deschooling moments on the top of my head but there must be some. I was schooled after all :D I just wanted to jump in and add how much I delight in watching my children enjoy muddy rainytime romps in the yard and love joining them too sometimes! There was one night where it was absolutely pouring down and we discovered baby green frogs hopping around outside in our flooded yard. It was a really wonderful experience as it had been years since I've seen green frogs sadly.

[Janet]

Bump for Anastasia :)

[Sarasvati]

LOL! I have no problem with letting go of "rules"... it's the learning stuff, the desire to see how they are progressing, the temptation to "test"... eeerg.

Oh, and how much my ego is tied into how intelligent my child is *slinks off*.

[Janet]

But in those simple (I use the term loosely) observations, you're already on the way to letting them go. :)

[Aurora]

I agree! You're well on your way I reckon with even noticing all of that :)

[dylan]

I had one yesterday morning when I realised that DS didn't need the supervision and instruction that had been putting me off getting him craft stuff, he just needs the stuff and his imagination takes over the rest.
I guess the supervison and instruction stuff comes from the constant supervision and insturction at while I was at school - I hadn't realised it until then!

[breeze]

Any similar moments of ''letting go''/deschooling that you'd like to share?

Gosh, everyday! :lol Ds loves to make his own sandwiches (he's 4:D) and I'm a clean freak:( Rain, mud, sand, I'm learning. It's grand :D

[Sarasvati]

I'm wondering if one of my things I will need to work on, in the great registration vs non-registration debate, is deschooling myself on my "responsibility to the state". I find it incredibly hard to do things that are illegal... for instance I think I would probably have more of a pot history if it wasn't illegal. I'm very socially-constrained! So on one hand I think it would be good to work within the system, the other part of me is wondering if that is just my "schooled", law-abiding self - particularly given that we would not be strictly schooling at home, and the potential stress it would place on me.

[SandraDodd]

When I can't decide how protective or attentive to me, I imagine how I would be if it were an adult friend. If an adult friend were, say, recovering from surgery at my house (or had passed out drunk or something--trying to imagine why an adult friend might need me that way), if he were too close to the edge of a bed I would at least put soft stuff on the floor there in case of a fall, if I couldn't move him or put a pillow behind him or something.

If an adult friend wanted to do something artsy at my house I would do more than just hand them the supplies and walk off. I'd probably stay at least long enough to make sure they had what they needed, the lighting was good, see if they wanted a drink or some music.

If an adult friend had come over to learn something I knew or go through my books or resources to learn something, I wouldn't test him at the end of it. I would assume he had learned something, or that he wasn't interested anymore, or that he would ask me more if he wanted to know more. Same with my kids.