What is the difference between unschooling and unparenting?

[Sarasvati]

After reading the blog Beatrice linked to, and remembering a discussion on here a while back about unparenting, I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on the difference between unschooling and unparenting? I am sure unschooling parents have been accused of neglect for not "schooling" their child, and we'd all know that's baloney. But where do you draw the line? What to you crosses the line into unparenting?

[Beatrice]

I'm unparenting when I'm not responsive to my kids in the moment. I think it's a little bit tricky to make that a a blanket definition, given that I do also want to reserve the right to get caught up in something I'm passionately interested in, but if I'm consistently ignoring or brushing off my kids in favour of, say, clicking the New Posts button *ahem* then that crosses my boundary. It signals that either I need to take more time to nurture myself so that I have more to give to our connection, or that I'm feeling overwhelmed by my environment and I need to stop procrastinating and do something positive to change my energy.

[Sarasvati]

So would you say there is always a connection there with unschooling, but with unparenting you're perhaps less connected? I think I am falling into the neglectful trap when I find myself irritated and snappy with interruptions. Is it a mindset more than actual behaviours? Or is it the mindset that causes the unparenting behaviours (like brushing them off)? I'm just trying to explore this, as I know I am pretty blase about "doing stuff with" and I am on the computer on and off during the day. I tend to think at the end of the day my state of mind possibly says a lot about how we spent the day, in terms of connection...

[Hush]

I'm unparenting when I'm not responsive to my kids in the moment. I think it's a little bit tricky to make that a a blanket definition, given that I do also want to reserve the right to get caught up in something I'm passionately interested in, but if I'm consistently ignoring or brushing off my kids in favour of, say, clicking the New Posts button *ahem* then that crosses my boundary. It signals that either I need to take more time to nurture myself so that I have more to give to our connection, or that I'm feeling overwhelmed by my environment and I need to stop procrastinating and do something positive to change my energy.


This kind of sums up where I'm at at the moment, but you've summed it up more succintly while I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Thankyou, this will help me work through it.
This is one of the fears that I have as my boy gets older, that I may fall back to unparenting and neglect being active with him, switched on. I think it takes MUCH more work to be an unschooling parent, we have to be vigilant with ourselves.

[~*heket*~]

Unparenters tend to send their kids to school for starters :lol

I think that one of the differences is the level of interest you take in your child (as well as the connection mentioned above). Unparenters are not interested in their children, we've all seen it in action at the supermarket, I don't need to elaborate. I think it probably manifests is a whole range of ways, including dietary, educational, and emotional. Unschoolers are interested in all the facets of child rearing, interested enough in fact to really THINK about what happens to their kids!

[~*heket*~]

Unparenters tend to send their kids to school for starters :lol

I think that one of the differences is the level of interest you take in your child (as well as the connection mentioned above). Unparenters are not interested in their children, we've all seen it in action at the supermarket, I don't need to elaborate. I think it probably manifests is a whole range of ways, including dietary, educational, and emotional. Unschoolers are interested in all the facets of child rearing, interested enough in fact to really THINK about what happens to their kids!

[Sarasvati]

Yeah I was musing on this, and thought that it would probably be even easier to unparent if you sent your child to school. Not just the obvious (them not being with you for several hours of the day) but also not knowing what your child wants to do, is interested in, what's going on in their life. Seeing people who treat their kids like they have no brain (I was treated like that, so I'm quite sensitive to it) and should just obey, like a dog... I can't see homeschoolers (okay, except for really fundamental religious homeschoolers like the um, huge family in the US, can't remember their name) ignoring and being so uninterested in their children. Kira can honestly amaze me (as can Imogen) and I love that I am seeing all this.

I know you can send your child to school and still be an active and connected part of their life, but with school as a tool to detach us from our children (a la Gatto's arguments) I reckon you'd have to worry more about unparenting in the sense of losing touch with WHO your child is. My mother barely knows the real me. Slowly bit by bit it's coming out but it will be a long process, as so long they didn't give a shit about me, as long as I was toeing the line.

[Ceres]

Not just school.. don't forget about before and after school care, and sleepovers with grandma on the weekends. It would be almost possible to never see them!

[cgull]

I read the other day about 48hour stay-the-night childcare. *ouch. crying on the inside*

Hmm... While I can see where PPs are coming from in terms of definitions for yourselves of what unparenting would be (not being there in the moment) it seems very stringent - a good barometer for oneself but not very practical as a guide for others. What would be the definition if you were, say, a social worker needing to determine neglect?

[Ayla]

You know, sometimes I feel like I'm neglecting Ry but that's not true. All his needs are met and if they're not met he lets me know. Otherwise, he does his own thing eg plays with the dogs & chickens, explores the backyard, plays inside with various things. If he needs more interaction from me he lets me know that too. We play, wrestle, tickle, read books, etc. and when he's had enough he toddles off again.

[~*heket*~]

I bet there'll be lots of unparenting and over parenting at dream world today :blueroll Just going to practice my shaming and praising now. "Good girl Stylish! your lunch is still in your stomach after that ride"

[Ceres]

Dreamworld.... *shudder* my idea of hell!

[~*heket*~]

oh .... MINE TOO! I loudly protested, threatening to set my head on fire rather than go. When Stylish took me at face value I decided that dream world was probably preferable.

There was certainly plenty over parenting. Smacking for not wanting to get off rides, bribery with sugary inedible food substitues, and PLENTY bottles :blueroll But it's ok, coz they'll all be back at school on Monday :rofl