Janet
19-08-2008, 09:55 PM
Consensual Living
Cyathea
I wanted to look further into this after it being mentioned by Lunabloom, (previously I thought it was open relationships! Whoops!)
I found this article which I found really interesting. I've done this, more or less, but never realised there is a 'name' for it. I've found parenting two children to be really challenging, so it is great to have more resources at my disposal to keep me on track when things get tough, or I'm feeling overwhelmed.
http://www.consensual-living.com/Essay2.htm
QUOTE:
Consensual Living, to me, means living with family members in relationships where each individual is treated equally and has the right to self-determination, living in an environment where each family member’s wants and/or needs are valued and met. When conflicts arise, mutually agreeable solutions are reached.
There are underlying principles of consensual living that are key to successfully, peacefully, joyfully, living together. Listening skills and communication tools are essential to the process. Problem solving techniques for conflict resolution are continually used until becoming part of the family dynamic. I hope to share a few tips with you that have helped our family find its way to consensual living. With practice, the entire process becomes second nature, resulting in the ability to focus on living a joy filled life, and less time spent in conflict.
Semiprecious
There's a consensual living Yahoo group that is really interesting sometimes (run by people from that website). http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consensual-living/
I struggle with consensual living because I'm so selfish. I want what I want right now or else. I have yet to get over that. It's a major sticking point in my life. My sons are teaching me more than I ever imagined.
Marijo
Quoted from 3
living in an environment where each family member’s wants and/or needs are valued and met. When conflicts arise, mutually agreeable solutions are reached.
Talking about needs, have you heard of Non-Violent Communication (NVC)? It specifically addresses feelings and the underlying needs, and focuses on finding strategies to meet the needs of everyone involved.
There's a book on it:
quasior
In some aspects we are consential, ie what the children learn is determined by them, how we go about it is parent led though (unless they are doing it on their own)
My children decide when they want to wean etc, when they toilet train, what they eat (not so much when).
They get to choose what they do nearly all day etc when we are at home. They get to decide what they watch after tea and before breakfast without having to trade for it... between its free if its a learning show/movie/doco whatever, but they can trade browny points to watch cartoons if they want. I know some people don't like this idea because its less freedom for the children, but if we didn't they'd only ever watch cartoons and play video games. My husband wouldn't tolerate it and personally I think they are better behaved if they don't! How do they earn browny points? Chores, doing well at their work, because they were particularly nice to someone else or did something great just because.
They all go to bed at the same time the biggest 4. It just works out that way since we always had a certain bedtime rituals. I read a book (now the big two read to the family if they want), then they have night time drinks and a bikkie and then brush teeth and tucked in. It hasn't changed since they were really young tackers.
Cyathea
I wanted to look further into this after it being mentioned by Lunabloom, (previously I thought it was open relationships! Whoops!)
I found this article which I found really interesting. I've done this, more or less, but never realised there is a 'name' for it. I've found parenting two children to be really challenging, so it is great to have more resources at my disposal to keep me on track when things get tough, or I'm feeling overwhelmed.
http://www.consensual-living.com/Essay2.htm
QUOTE:
Consensual Living, to me, means living with family members in relationships where each individual is treated equally and has the right to self-determination, living in an environment where each family member’s wants and/or needs are valued and met. When conflicts arise, mutually agreeable solutions are reached.
There are underlying principles of consensual living that are key to successfully, peacefully, joyfully, living together. Listening skills and communication tools are essential to the process. Problem solving techniques for conflict resolution are continually used until becoming part of the family dynamic. I hope to share a few tips with you that have helped our family find its way to consensual living. With practice, the entire process becomes second nature, resulting in the ability to focus on living a joy filled life, and less time spent in conflict.
Semiprecious
There's a consensual living Yahoo group that is really interesting sometimes (run by people from that website). http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consensual-living/
I struggle with consensual living because I'm so selfish. I want what I want right now or else. I have yet to get over that. It's a major sticking point in my life. My sons are teaching me more than I ever imagined.
Marijo
Quoted from 3
living in an environment where each family member’s wants and/or needs are valued and met. When conflicts arise, mutually agreeable solutions are reached.
Talking about needs, have you heard of Non-Violent Communication (NVC)? It specifically addresses feelings and the underlying needs, and focuses on finding strategies to meet the needs of everyone involved.
There's a book on it:
quasior
In some aspects we are consential, ie what the children learn is determined by them, how we go about it is parent led though (unless they are doing it on their own)
My children decide when they want to wean etc, when they toilet train, what they eat (not so much when).
They get to choose what they do nearly all day etc when we are at home. They get to decide what they watch after tea and before breakfast without having to trade for it... between its free if its a learning show/movie/doco whatever, but they can trade browny points to watch cartoons if they want. I know some people don't like this idea because its less freedom for the children, but if we didn't they'd only ever watch cartoons and play video games. My husband wouldn't tolerate it and personally I think they are better behaved if they don't! How do they earn browny points? Chores, doing well at their work, because they were particularly nice to someone else or did something great just because.
They all go to bed at the same time the biggest 4. It just works out that way since we always had a certain bedtime rituals. I read a book (now the big two read to the family if they want), then they have night time drinks and a bikkie and then brush teeth and tucked in. It hasn't changed since they were really young tackers.